Tuesday, September 25, 2018

The Ingenuous Queen

As I was peeing in the restroom of my workplace, during a usual boring shift, I heard a voice from behind, “Haven’t you been writing lately?”. To my surprise it was the Project Manager of the team I was working for, in his Lyric Sopranoish voice, with an elating smile, moving towards the next vacant slot to mine, to fulfill the purpose he was there for. For a moment it distracted my process but instantly I was amazed to understand that he was actually referring to the link of my Blog I have shared with him that morning – and WTF! The project manager had literally read it. I asked “How did you like it?”, again to my surprise he quoted a line from one of my Blogs, to which I was taken aback and thanked him (Of course we didn’t shake hands). Then after analyzing the fact that he loved my writing I acknowledged his question by telling him that, “I can only write, when I come across something terrifically striking”.

Now the purpose of sharing that instance with you is to let you know how good I am as a writer. Just kiddin’! Actually NOT. But after the shift ended, I felt it was a beautiful evening of December -for no reason- in 2016 and realized about what I told him in the noon about my writing, while having my beer..  ‘Terrifically striking’. Indeed, I was being pompous then, eventually realizing that it’s the Truth. Now in order to contribute towards the marvelous dynasty of my gratitude for the divinity called ‘Beautiful Female’, I wish she consider this as my ode to Her – for being the Ingenuous Queen of my journey.

Queen! That is what I have been calling her within my surreptitious conglomerate. The inception of that affectionate term happened when she appeared at workplace, in a strong black colored hooded sweatshirt, written on it in a shimmering golden colored letters, QUEEN! That’s it, I said to myself, ‘she is the most incredibly beautiful girl I have ever seen in that building’. I always used to watch her at cafeteria, downstairs at the lobby, in the workroom by placing someone exactly in a position so I can have a seamless view through their shoulder and trust me it’s an enticing experience. Her Balayage short hair style was the first thing which caught my attention, it’s a superfluous enhancement to her extremely pretty looking face. When she smiles, it’s as eternally cute as of a lil’ baby’s smile, which makes her appearance very obsequious and this trait does generate a feeling of resentfulness among the other females, though she shouldn’t care - like she does! At times I feel I can listen to her speaking, for a whole day, such an appeasing voice she has. At regular intervals I wait for her to say few words, coz’ the way she pronounces them is way too cutesier, often I imitate that but to an extent that can be excused. It never made any difference to me if she is surrounded by anyone, coz’ for me they doesn’t exist when I’m watching her. I could never describe her eyes, since I never dared to look at them straightly. Now that makes her distinguishingly special for me. Since I learned there is a fundamental difference between beauty and sexuality. Beauty pleases your senses whereas sexuality controls your senses or even more correctly your senses go berserk. Now she created this strongly fundamental difference between her and the other females at the workplace for me. Where the ‘self-proclaimed’ beautiful girls embellish themselves to come to office everyday so as to cause a force in fellow dumb male colleagues to approach them, The Queen simply appears. Coz’ her exquisite simplicity defines her beyond beauty and sexuality.
I can write a book about her, but for now, by God’s grace if she happens to spare her valuable time and most valued interest to read this, I’ll shout out loud, It is Accomplished!

Recently I came to know by her colleague that she had an accident and shown me her picture in a terrible state, which I couldn’t bear, in fact it trigged a solid effect in me so much that I wished that the one who hit her by his car should die a gruesome death or I shall get a chance to stab him to death for hundreds of times. But the magical aspect of the picture was she yet had that terrific quintessential smile, which could put a stone to melt. I hardly ask God for anything, but I pray to him that he put you on a pause button and make you live young and beautiful forever with that smile and hair.

Wish you a Speedy Recovery. Be Well!

Saturday, February 17, 2018

Rendezvous with Lust

Abbey Chutiye!..
..it does happens that way, a man and a woman sleeps together in the night on the same bed and a child is born!.. Simple!

That was the most deeply stupid and immature line, about anything connected to SEX, I heard out of an utmost idiotic ‘Suhaag Raat-Scene-Impact’ discussion, from a dumb 90s Hindi movie, back in school. I guess I was in sixth grade. But one can’t blame those stupid classmates of mine, for that thought process, bad English, and above all Stupidity - that’s the result of going to a bad School!

But since, I mentioned about the Hindi movies of 90s, YES.. I was terribly stimulated by the songs and the Heroines in those movies. Like, Madhuri  in ‘Dhak Dhak’, Sridevi in ‘Kaate nahi kat te’, Rekha in ‘Karo pyar mujhe’, Mamta Kulkarni and Urmila in ‘almost’ every song.. And above all, was swept away by the iconic scene where Jack makes a sketch of Roja and scene after that, before everything shatters, hitting the ice-berg. 

I clearly remember how almost every boy, back then requested for the video song ‘Turn the page’ by Metallica on the ‘Dial a song’ channel by the local cable operator (for unknown reason the name of the song appeared on the list as ‘Sixteen Years’). That was for the obvious reasons – Ginger Lynn and the Scenes! Though most of ‘em still wouldn’t know or ever cared to know her name.

 FYI: Ginger Lynn is the premier adult-entertainment star of the 80s – one of the greatest porn stars of all time... 

And Metallica is an American heavy metal band – this information is specifically for the boys from my school (this is the only time I’m using My School just to cut the crap).

Despite this mental masturbation, constantly there was an intense force, driving the urge of fulfilling an emotion. Eventually identifying that emotion and its nuances. Though it wasn’t so quick, it took years to analyze and respond to it in the right possible way – but that’s the dichotomy of its beauty, I love. Let me take you to the insights of it.

I confess and I swear, that I never developed lust towards any of the girls from the school I went, in those 10years. Not that they weren’t attractive or beautiful but primarily most of them were UGLY (I blame it on the color of the uniform) and the rest belonged to the NERD community i.e.: Toppers/Rankers.  The truth is I was always smitten by elder women. I couldn’t help that then or now or forever, and I love that. There were girls, senior to me in school but my sub conscious mind and instincts longed for someone more elder than them. After all these elements clashed resulting into an inscrutable battle, it led my fascination develop towards my Class Teacher!

Oopps... no this one... 

Someone like her... 

It absolutely comes from my utmost assertiveness, which was the beginning of the wait for an exquisite rendezvous with Lust! Now if you are turning into being assumptive about me or anything written, stop reading & kindly FUCK OFF!

I was in 2nd grade, sitting in this classroom along with Neelam on this bench. The vacation was over and the new semester just started few days ago. The classroom was awfully painted. The brightness of the tube lights all over the ceiling, was way too bright for my eyes, in contrast to the dark atmosphere outside due to the heavy clouds. It was drizzling, and I was expecting, indeed, wishing for a flood. And then the bell rang for the next period.. Here she enters! Initially I didn’t look at her, since, I was trying to hit on ‘not-so-ugly’ Neelam NOTE: I wasn’t & never been & will be a Tharkee (Lascivious, Pervert or Lewd), but being a born admirer of beauty with such a kind heart and enormous talents, unlike many in the classroom – I was Smart!

  Eventually she announced that she will be our English Teacher throughout the year 

– that means I will get to witness this mayhem at the start of the day at school, before the ugliest faces I have to struggle with throughout those 5hrs. She was a Bengali, I could relate that with the big round Bindi on her forehead, perfectly placed in the middle, slightly above those terrific eye brows resembling a beautiful sunrise from the waves of an ocean – just like in the scenic paintings. Those submissive eyes laced with kohl, a pure malice. The golden brown shade of her pale skin, like it was exposed to the sun in that monsoon was an extension to the chaos. That snub nose with a black colored nose pin was simply an embellishment. I strongly believe GOD must have invested his most aesthetic skills to create that slightest cleft lip, which created an enormously devouring effect when she spoke, now just imagine what it could had been when she smiled.. Splendido.., It was evident that she knew the key to dress her body, to enhance and add  volume to her upper body while emphasizing the waist, also adding to the ongoing trip by the visible navel and de-emphasizing her lower body  in that azure color saree, creating a balanced, hourglass appearance. An elegant neck, structured shoulders, proportionately slim arms, nicely defined waist, gradually sloping out to the hips... An eternally perfect Pear shaped female body, I witnessed... Aah I need a drink now!

What I felt constantly after that... The kind of urge that was developed... About ‘Not so ugly’ Neelam.. And everything related and relevant to the inscrutable struggle of my wait for the eternal, rendezvous with lust, since that day... will share about it some other day.. 

Ooh.. my Class teacher...

She was not from this planet, for me. 


Monday, August 21, 2017

The Crush (My most sincere and only love letter so far)


   I was absolutely familiar with the nuances of the impulsion developed, when I saw you. It was Magical. It was like the abrupt cut, with 360degree swish pan back to the first day of my school, someday in the start of the monsoon in 95. Sitting at a bench in the corner of the room with those weirdly ‘painted in white’ and terribly stinking walls. Staring outside, as it was raining heavily, desperately waiting for the final bell to ring, so can get out and play. And this mild chaos with my inner consciousness and the external boredom in that classroom, clashed with an exquisite view, over the shoulder of this most ugly looking boy sitting few seats beyond me. As it happens in the movies, in slow motion. My consciousness with my eyes along with the on-going chaos, met with the most beautiful sight of my life, little did I know, which was just a beginning of the greatest chaos of my life eventually.. Women, and the Beauty.
Her name was Diana. Which got associated with me in complaints, teasing, sometimes in fights, throughout the duration in school. And after that, never did I happen to meet anyone as striking as her neither felt the urge to fall for someone exactly the way it happened then. Till I encountered you on the fourth day of our training. I fell for you just as a kid does looking at a candy floss. It was so glorious moment for me then, you wore a green colored kurta paired with dark colored bottoms, hair tied neatly with a pony, and just a pile of hair blocking your eye in the right making you look more terrific, but I hardly saw you smiling.. and that extremely drove me crazy by multiplying my curiosity. It was as glorious as it seemed when Jack encounters Rose from downstairs, that scene has a tremendous effect on me ever since (kindly excuse my reference of films, though it’s the only way I could be the Best).

Despite, anybody had said and saying anything about this I wish to convey it to you, that so far it had been only you, for whom I felt to offer my truest admiration and eternal gratitude, for being what you are, so Heavenly Beautiful!
 It’s a wonderful feeling, that so far I couldn’t develop the courage to come and talk to you, or even smile at you for that matter. And makes you terribly special amongst every female in that building. I read this long back and it has been my favorite line, ‘if you respect something, don’t go too close to it!’ and since, I understood the meaning of it, I’ve been living happily throughout. Staring at you without your knowledge is a Bliss and will be forever. I might not be able to tell you this ever, but my respect for your beauty and your being holds the purest form of respect and nothing weird, as some screwhead tries to imagine.

Most importantly I always wanted to say, especially in that game ‘hot seat’ we played in that training, that why you are so beautifully – importantly admirable is - for me, and I am soopersure for thousands like me out there, because you are the kind of a female, who will be as stupendous as ever even when you will turn 80!

I tried to be as simple as I can be with my words, (of which I’m not happy about) just because I wanted to be very sincere and clear about my feelings for you which are very ‘paq saaf ‘ – in urdu it means Divinely true and clean. And I wish you stay young, beautiful and stunning as ever, forever. And I also thank GOD for creating you and being less selfish by sending you on this planet where we poor souls exist. Grazie Signora!a

My God, since, i have finally written this to you and for you.. i'am feeling like the king of the World!

Your Poor victim!

Wednesday, April 19, 2017


the eyes, chico, they never lie!.”

I’ve been trying vigorously.. so far, since, I watched Tony Montana saying this to Chico-Manny Ribera after immensely smitten by Elvira Hancock in Scarface, to understand and analyze what does it actually mean? Does he refers to the intensity in ‘em– or just the eyes of Elvira-or just make it up-or.. I didn’t know and couldn’t figure out too.            

But the experience so far trying to understand that line has been voraciously exciting.  Never missed a chance to try my best, whenever talking to an intense person-especially a female or females for that matter. Initially I thought maybe that’s why they say ‘it’s very difficult to understand a woman’ but eventually it hit me, in that case it’s also ‘impossible to understand any person on this planet’. By that I mean, that a person has a certain idea about the other person, and as theyhe/she gets the information about the other person their knowledge is limited & no one would ‘rightly’ care to spare time to keep understanding everyone they meet, talk, work with, live with or at times ‘sleep-with’. So considering that random-illogical-established-belief was an insult to my ever-evolving thought process and substantial knowledge of my love for females and it’s reasons. Well, I will get into details about that, some other time, since, I don’t want to dissipate this energy of mine and most importantly this vehemence, to EXPRESS, after quite a while..  

Now i don’t remember the day, but just like an another day I was sitting here at my workplace, ‘working’-involuntarily, not talking to anyone around, lost!-for certain & obvious reasons.. I see this terrifically stunning girl walking towards the restroom which is located exactly on the floor where everybody works. I wanted to kill the engineer who designed it, the authorized body who wanted it that way and every male who relentlessly stuck their eyeballs towards that restroom. Because from that very moment I felt the immense urge to kill all of them to make this place a filth, where this terrifically beautiful female has to pass by. I developed this yearning with utter consciousness and intensity as I do for everything I wish and want to do..Since, my childhood. But if you think or have developed an impression about me being, maniacally a loon (which I care a damn about and don’t give a fuck), my reason will serve the purpose.

Coming back to the scene I was describing about this girl I encountered that day, yeahh.. SHE WAS STUNNING and the very sight of her was extremely terrific. Now certainly when it’s talked about women and it’s about praising them, ‘TO THE CORE!’ (this is somethin’ I got from my #TheTamilConnection), instantly it highlights the attention towards the physical aspect, and m not gonna deny that but refuse to accept it as the main agent of inspiration to write this. Indeed, the reason itself is pretty insanely killer and hazardous.. ‘em Eyes!

Yes her ‘eyes’ .. I resist to use the lines such as, ‘they are deep’ ‘most beautiful eyes ever seen’ and s#$%..nope! Not that shit! I was highly smitten by the way she uses her eyes, more than how they are ardently delineated. Every time I encounter them, it strikes me as an artwork. Her eyes just outvies her whole body and I seriously believe she commands over her body language through her eyes as they does to our heart beats as she enters this place. And this has a tremendous effect on the keen observers who long, just for a sight of her, once in a day. And the rest belongs to the ‘herd’. 

The intend of her, might not be cruelly murderous to do what turns out to be an ecstatic effect on poor beings like me, but my intend has always been to get afflicted, consciously for the extreme high I get. When one finds something out of his/her reach, it makes ‘em crazy but when one realizes & accepts this fact;It enlightens ‘em! I don’t know why the fuck did I use that line? But I hope it added some philosophic element to what I want to convey. Anyways, If I could. I would write a book about her..Which I think m gonna do eventually.. but m trying my best, in every possible way to make it short & precise, just not to bore her and spare her precious time reading this (hopefully), unlike unimportant-ugly beings like u n me who has all the time of this universe to make the utmost less out of it and do nothing.

Besides, the blessed encounters of her hands, hair..aah ‘em mountain of curls are bliss to stare, nose, and at times that exquisite angle ..like in the noir movies (not for u unintellectual – so called ’movie-buffs’) my vision pierce sharply into the zoom-in mode when I look back to have a glimpse of her.. gorgeousness and gorgeousity..it creates a Mayhem.. the smile which is ultra-rare and should be since, it’s not coming from an ordinary-manufactured face but from an aesthetically incepted creation of the supreme power, they call him GOD.. and her voice, which I haven’t heard so far and that’s tranquilizing.. at times I wonder it’d be easy to get a woman deliver the baby than to c or make her laugh, but I have the strongest belief that I would witness that before this life gives up on me as all the females out here did on themselves (I’m soopersure-also, who lives around her) since the day, she arrived.. The most important & intriguing thing about her is – The Invisible Wall!

That’s what every girl tries at her best to create and fall along with it, breaking their nose and others’ too. Because it’s essential for every beautiful being like her, to create that wall to protect themselves from the herd and every living being who are unequal-unmatchable to their beauty, brains and intensity.

As intensely she kills us with ‘em ultra-killa Eyes & attitude, we gladly wish to die every day and voraciously crave to stab the person, to death who schedules her day-off when we have to work without seeing her and after that turn out an inept after the shift ends, desperately wishes to murder everyone on the street out of disappointment and since, so much violence is involved in praising and sharing the most terrific experience with an exquisitely vehement female.. 
I named it..‘Qatl-E-Am!’

 In addition, I just want you to know..u r one of the most intriguingly intense and vehemently gorgeous females I have ever seen.. and trust me it’s rare, so stay raw and keep killin’.. Killa Gal!

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

An episode of a Stupendous Smile!

“My intuition turned into a strong discernment, as I entered this room and saw you for the first time. That most of the boys here are smitten & spellbound by your very appearance!”

These were the words my voice bled, when I first happened to talk to her (while I was introducing myself to the class).

Well it was the first day of training in this new organization in the New Year. Wasn’t really excited, since, it was a morning shift and the fellow trainees seemed just like another ‘regular herd’. I saw this female in the training room, in a deep sermon with the IT guy. I thought she must be from the HR team, but she seemed very pissed off figuring out what the IT guy was actually doing, it was 10:00am and the trainees were still entering the class (as the training was scheduled for 09:00am) and for other certain & uncertain reasons which I was morosely contemplating, staring at her. Finally to my surprise & utter joy she acknowledged everybody in the class.. ‘she will be the Voice & Accent trainer for the next 10days’. I still remember that rapturous excitement, I felt.

She wore a Black Kurta and paired it with similarly textured pants. The kohl was perfectly applied from the inner corner of her eyelids to the outside. Her hair tied up neatly. Everything made her look very elegant; especially her foxy voice which amplified her presence in the room, before adding the final touch: Her Stupendous Smile!

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Sinamika - The Shortest Love Story of my Life!

It was just an another appalling night for me. Was a Day-off at office, so spent d day as usual watching movies, Facebook updates, Watsapp & stuff. And by night, i reached the Local Bar to have a Beer, secretly carrying GODBROTHER's Credit Card. Since, I didn't have money but wanted to sit, have beer & listen to music all alone.(Damn! M I getting used to it? I shud kill myself)

Only few days ago heard from my Ex-Girlfrnd (with no access to a better word) that she's going to get married by next month, But Hello! This wasn’t as grievous as you might assume, there are lot more better things I need to worry about these days..Anyways that doesn't have to anything with this story..

After two beers I went into a deep sermon with my struggling thoughts, ideas & desires.. The music was played too loud through my earphones synchronizing with the 'High' I was into, by fueling it. It was 22:49hrs and my phone Beeped (WTF 'Beeped?')  and there was a Message on dFB-messenger. The reason I’m exaggerating so much is because it was rare & and it just happened like a movie scene. So exclusively that I almost didn't believe it happened... as I checked my phone it was her reply to my earlier message which I did a day ago and didn't even expect she would care to reply.. There was an enlighting smile on my face & it was 'Hey Sinamika' on d music player.The humming went so terrifically well with the timing of getting d msg that I forgot I was sitting in a Bar and started singing d song. I felt like Gene Kelly ..'I'm singing in the rain'. 

The most ironical part in these chain of events was that I was instantly smitten by her for the very first time i happened to see her on Facebook, few days ago while we were engaged commenting on a mutual friend's post.. there was something different about this gal.. Her eyes, so tender, has something divine in 'em, the most cutest Nose I have ever seen, than of new born babies'.. the Lips, Ah.. like they were bitten by an ant structuring it so beautifully sensuous since her inception.. She seemed more like a ManiRatnam movie heroine to me.. Then began an inscrutable battle with my desire & fear to interact with her and d messenger was d arena where these two intensively driven emotions clashed and met nd gave me all the courage of this world to message her..I just got connected with all these feelings and that was fuckin' very quick!

Yes.. I did go through her profile, not to know about her but to enhance my visual ecstatic pleasure by looking at her pictures. It was a real Ecstasy, it was super human for me.. A female so pretty & beautiful chatting with me ..it was out of this world! And the music player of my phone was like dedicated to this song  'Sinamika' it's still playing, since then. The very reason, the song has been so impulsive with this gal is, Like Her, It’s as soothing n as heavenly beautiful.. Simply ecstatic! Next time if I ever thank GOD it'd be for creating her and for not being too selfish to keep her in heaven than sending on this universe where unworthy creatures like me exist.

I had the greatest time chatting with her in d most cutest & shortest time period of my life and there was a moment I had d chance to admire her with utter sincerity by expressing my thoughts for her.. I'm greatly thankful to her n will owe this to her till my last breathe n even after that..

I never heard her voice, never met her, may b cud never see her in person but whatever happened in these days is far beyond than friendship, love, lust.. I called it Super-Human coz it’s more like a devotion of a child to a mother, a disciple to a master, a beggar to a hope.. And This is it, I m Thankfully glad & Gladly thankful to her & GOD that this magic happened.. 

Few days ago she invited me to her marriage which is going to be held in coming few days.. 

I msgd her saying "yeh duniya ki sabse chotti prem kahani hogi!"

She sent a smiley and replied,"yeah.. Sabse chotti!"

Hey Sinamika’ is a Tamil Song from ManiRatnam’s latest movie ‘Ok Kanmani’ composed by the Mozart A R RahmaanSaab.
And I didn't feel bad for myself, upon knowing about her marriage, but for her, and why? will share that in coming few days.. Till then Love & Live the moment than wasting the precious time crippin' about what didn't happen.. Ciao!

Wednesday, December 3, 2014


The only reason I quoted this from my very favorite, Nietzsche’s thought process about individualism is that it always reminds and make me realize that I haven’t developed any individuality of my own self and refused to pay the price for it.. Being a ‘Wimp’ and a USELESS BUM. And I started hating to celebrate my own birthday after this self-surveillance, in spite of achieving whatever I have, which i haven't yet anything. So why shud i be so gung-ho about wanting to celebrate my birth?
As a mere fact i don’t think my born calls for a celebration, In effect when i have absolutely no control or no contribution in the process of what, who and why my parents gave me birth, why should i make such a big deal about celebrating it? As they have contributed rather i would say devoted their lives for my upbringing since my birth, i have no right to celebrate anything about myself if i have at least not being worth of their values and hard work!
Bala is one of the greatest & special person sent for me with my Parents, GODBROTHER, MAMAJI, Annie, Reggie & Shammy. Who has been & are the key of my exploration to various aspects of life, and exploring my own certain talents & also heartening them. but i didn’t even try to push myself a lil, instead i caused much more aggravated damages on their terms. so most of the things I’ve done were all on other's account and i only have creditability for being a worthless & non-achiever. Which hurted them and i want to put a full stop to it, and at least unlade them forever.     
I cheated on this girl who did everything possible and beyond that, just to make me feel good every-single-day in all these years since we met. She worthlessly put all her creativity, efforts, time and most importantly LOVE to make this day (few years ago) so special that it actually is the Biggest Surprise of my Life rather i would say that 'Monumental!'
 The only female after my mother, to whom I’ve devoted myself!
If i gather the pieces of my GODBROTHER's youth, all of 'em are dedicated to felicitate me. when i asked him, 'how come u don’t get mad at me, even after i do so many wrong things?', he replied 'i wouldn’t even regret if i have to Burn in Hell for you, coz' you r my brother and i love you' I’ve never seen and i doubt would ever see a BROTHER with such modesty and a personality which is so Ironical. and i will be surely burn in hell and punished badly for at least not being 1/4 worth of what he did for me! 
And my AMMA she has faced the 'HORRORS' of this world right from the day before i was born till date, if i start writing about it you need to spare a lifetime. i owe my life and everything to her. 
These above facts kind of sums up my feelings about birthdays. I consider a greeting for my birthday as a truly ugly reminder that I am getting that much older and that much more nearer to death and consequently I have that much less time to do whatever I want to do. i will celebrate everything about myself and make y'all my lovers and haters to join me when I’ll be a prime mover, Hard Worker, when i can achieve the pure art with my gifted talents and skills, when i will never be mitigated by others, when i will oppose the councils or committees of individuals which lead to compromise and mediocrity and "watering down" the very completed vision.
When i will learn to and will rail against convention.

Till then please don’t waste your time and efforts to type, think, copy-paste, forward me messages to greet, (Especially who got a reminder from FACEBOOK and Other Social networking Sources – Can F*&K OFF!) thinking it will make me feel good or like a star, it's just going to worsen my day!