THE ONLY GIRL WHOM I HAD AND WILL, CALL FOREVER…

It was raining that day. The Auto Rickshaw, I was in, almost reached the station. As I got out of it, and paid my fare to the driver, what struck me then, dissolved me for years….

The day was 26^th September, 2007.  Around 12:00 p.m.

She was wearing a Pink colored dress and appeared like the Most Gorgeous girl on this earth. What a beauty? I thought to myself. At once I was swept over by a wave of her ecstatic splendor. Had a chance to spend some time with her that day, My Treasurable Moment for lifetime!

Following that day, I’ve never found any girl so fascinating. Falling for her was certain. It was then, it all started.. My Inner Battle with the three components of love, ‘Intimacy – Passion – Commitment’ . They taught me all. And I’d be glad for this to her till my last breathe and even after that. 

It has been six years, so long, but every time I find it very exciting when we decide to meet. I start thinking of what clothes i should wear? How should I fix my hair? And stuff like that… as if we are meeting for the first time. I remember once I told her this thing, but I doubt she believed me.  I was always mesmerized by her Eyes that stared at me so intently in lonesome times. It was my easiest way to figure out her frame of mind.  As they say, ‘the eyes.. they never lie’.  Her Hair, it’s like a beautiful mountain of curls, just as, I dreamed to burn my nose in ‘em, since my childhood. She has such an enticing Voice, that it led me hear it over sleepless nights.  Above all, it was the Color of her Skin, which allured me the most.

I still love to recall the day we went to watch her favorite Shah Rukh Khan’s  ‘Om Shanti Om’  in Sapna Theatre in 07’, along with some of our common friends. I was sitting a seat away from her in the first half of the movie and pleaded to G O D and regimented a friend who was already sitting next to her, just to get a chance to sit her side. I could just tell by the way we both were relating that there was some connection whatsoever. And I felt it when I sat next to her, there was something between us. There was an impulse we both were following. So that gave me the right to come and sit next to her without taking her permission or thinking of her resisting. Otherwise I never would have felt that I had the right to do so. I never would have had the courage to talk to her. It’s one of the most valued moments of my life with her.

Whenever this song called “Ankhon mein teri.. Ajab si, Ajab si, adaayein hain!” was played, no matter where i was .. Arrival into a Whimsy World was inevitable. Such impact she had on me. I went crazy for her just like a fan becomes for his Star, just as in the Movie itself -‘Om Shanti Om’ . She was my ‘Shanti Priya’, She is still a STAR for me!

The most beautiful girl who made me Renounce the world around me. Whose absence isn’t strange to me, because I know she’s always close to me.  Whose name I call every single day, and I know, at times she thinks of me…

‘Someday everything might be forgotten, but my memories with you will be valued forever’

One of the most Wonderful & Humane Person I’ve met on this universe…

The only girl whom I had and will, call forever….

                               My Gorgeous

Ashiqui2 - How it started..

We have this habit,  since our college days,  of planning to watch certain movies (of mutual interest) in advance of their release dates, like we constantly keep doing it before weeks, and sometimes months! I remember a friend of mine joined me at a BAR, after returing from office, and first thing he did was, put the headset

The Tryst with SATYA!

On 3rd July 1998 a phenomenon took place that changed the face of Indian Cinema forever, that phenomenon folks was Ram Gopal Varma's hard-hitting underworld drama SATYA, a near star-less film which solely on the basis of Anurag Kashyap and Saurabh Shukla's script blew the entire nation away rightly staking their claim in Bollywood History.

The message of SATYA comes across loud and clear- “CRIME NEVER PAYS” and while a number of movies in the past has presented the issue, Bollywood was still to be introduced to the “underworld” genre in the truest sense as with the exception of Vidhu Vinod Chopra's flawless PARINDA (1989) a complete gangster film had never been presented before with such searing reality and slice-your-nerves brutality.

The movie revolves around Vidya (Ramu's blue-eyed dream girl Urmila Mantondkar as deglamourized as you get yet still managing to look stunning) who is an unemployed singer who comes from a very poor family, living with her mom and disabled dad. During a rainy night, there is a power outage, and she seeks the assistance of a neigbor, Satya (a wooden Chakravarthy who manages to leave a vapourizing effect without actually doing much, but more on that later), who helps her out. Satya and Vidya become friendly. Things begin to change rapidly for Vidya, as she gets hired by a prominent music director, and develops her relationship with Satya, who she plans to marry soon. Satya tells her that he will be relocating for employment to Dubai, U.A.E., and will receive a hefty salary, which will assist them get settled after marriage. Her delight with this news turns to horror when the police enter her house to question her about Satya, who according to them is a hitman in a criminal gang, and who is wanted for 17 homicides, including that of the Commissioner Amod Shukla (Paresh Rawal). The truth of Satya's true identity shatters Vidya who never wants to see him again. Despite the cops being hot on the trail of Satya, he makes it to Vidya's apartment one final time, but is it too late?

It would be an understatement to say that the script is the soul of SATYA. Kashyap and Shukla together weave a near immaculate macro-level view of Mumbai's underworld. Part love story, part male-bonding, part brutal actioner and part nail-biting thriller SATYA is a film which is almost impossible to categorize in to a genre simply because the film is a sense a revolution that it CREATES the genre. Without a doubt SATYA changed the way directors made Indian films. Right from the lingo, style of direction, characters, milieu, setting and dialogues SATYA set the benchmark for what a gangster film should be like.

The screenplay is racy and keeps the perfect balance between the budding romance and graphic violence. Unlike American gangster movies from the 80s which SATYA and COMPANY (2002) remind me of somewhat, Varma’s movies are more philosophically ambitious and do something more difficult: they manage to be moral without moralizing. And differently than Coppola’s GODFATHER trilogy, where people seem born into a life of crime, Varma shows them becoming criminals and the results of the choices they’ve made. One of the biggest strengths of the film is the characters that it portrays, the everyday quality that Varma gives his gangsters, and the manner in which he depicts their “personal lives as truly an eye-opener and sets SATYA apart from anything else that has been done in the genre prior.
Even from the point of view of entertainment, SATYA is a riveting film which leaves the viewer hardly any space to breathe making it one of the most relentless thrillers of our time. Varma is too well aware of the essential ingredients needed in a Bollywood film hence manages to juxtapose comedy and romance in to the narrative. His flair for dark comedy and street-wise jokes is hilarious and eye-opening at the same time.

Often I feel Ram Gopal Varma is a director who isnt aware of WHAT he's actually making at the time, whether what he's making is good or bad, classic or â disaster. Which clearly explains why the same man who made SATYA also made RGV KI AAG (2007)? SATYA came at a time when Ram Gopal Varma was still trying to make his impression on the Indian market. Though RANGEELA (1995) had left a significant impact, he still hadn't delivered anything since. SATYA was a surprising turn too as it was closer to Varma's debut film SHIVA (1989) in it's realism than it was to his musical ode to love RANGEELA.

Whereas lots of reviews compare SATYA with Quentin Tarantino's RESERVOIR DOGS (1992), it’s to my mind more influenced by Scorcese and De Palma : the very eighties and emphatic score, the virtuosity of the camera moves, the grotesque allure of the gangsters in the movie. And there’s of course the character of Satya, his low profile contrasting with other gangsters, the idea of the guy coming from nothing and making it big in a poor area of the city through crime, his very moving love story, the fight between moral conscience and desire to stay at the top. Yes, we’ve seen this before in gangsters movies but it’s been adapted to Indian reality, the movie showing the links between thugs and politics and cinema. And the theme of the police damned if they act damned if they do nothing is interesting too.

That Varma is a fan of Scorcese cannot be doubted, and the various bouts of conversations and interactions between the characters laced with pulpified violence is ample proof of that, India's answer to GOODFELLAS (1990)? YES! But in another strange way this is a rather twisted and dark version of Raj Kapoor's SHREE 420 (1955) which was also about a man who comes to Mumbai to strike it rich only to be sucked in by the city's darker side to find redemption at the end.

That Varma followed this up with COMPANY later is ample proof that man is a bona-fide genius. Despite the failure of something like AAG, one shouldn't forget that often a director is only as good as his script, and I've always felt Varma has always been best doing something original be it SATYA, COMPANY, KAUN (1999) or RANGEELA. Inspiration, now that's another thing

The performances in SATYA became an instant cult phenomenon as India cheered for its new  National Hero-Bhikhu Mhatre, a role model for the youth! This is perhaps the first performance in Indian cinema that made me draw an instant parallel to Late Amjad Khan Saab's immortal performance in Ramesh Sippy's SHOLAY (1975). The pure mass appeal, the spontaneity, the rugged naturalness, the animal-like ferocity and pure terror yet an ability to be instantly amiable and relate to the viewer as well. Bajpai delivers a performance that I hold in the highest of regards, and comes out trumps. When the movie was conceived, the role was written for Akshaye Khanna who wasn't able to do the film, and by a pure stroke of luck Bajpai landed the role. To say Manoj Bajpai is born to act is an understatement, the man talks to the camera inhibited, confident and with naturalness each and every time he's on-screen. From his violent outbursts to his rom-com with his wife this is a character that will always remain unforgettable simply because this is the kind of histrionics one expects actors like Pacino, De Niro and Bachchan to pull off not a rank newbie..  \

"Mumbai ka K I N G kaun? BHEEKHU MHATRE!"

As much as I have a weakness for Chakravarthys character and everything he stands for, I dislike Chakravarthy's performance equally. My first impression of Chakravarthy was so little that I instantly disregarded his performance completely blown away by Bajpai and Shukla. As the years went by, with countless re-watches the performance itself has also grown on me, and I realize why Chakravarthy acts like the un-dead. SATYA came from nowhere, we never find out what he used to do? Where he comes from? What his family did or where his parents are(though he does tell Vidya (Main ek anaath hoon)? But do we take his word for it? In the initial fight sequence with Bhikhu Mhatre we can easily tell Satya is a far more dangerous man whom even Bhikhu accepts readily knowing that he's met his match. That gives somewhat of an indication that whatever SATYA has been through to make him this motionless Zombie is far worse than the world which he's actually living in The moments when SATYA starts regaining his humanity and realizes that he in-fact does feat death are astonishing, and Chakravarthy in the one scene at the beach where he tells Bhikhu 'kyun ke main oose shaadi karma chahta hoon' speaks volumes of Chakravarthy's talent. And the problem I have with 

Chakravarthy isn't a new one, in some ways it's similar to what I felt about Irrfan Khan in MAQBOOL (2003) and Ajay Devgan in OMKARA (2006).

Urmila is an absolute knock-out. This was probably the first time I realized that Urmila can actually act, and she delivers such a natural performance. She proves in an instant that she's an actress of worth, and her portrayal of Vidya, a symbol of everything that is true and beautiful in this world is unmatched. Her searching eyes often speak louder than any dialogue delivered.

Saurabh Shukla is a revelation, the roly-poly actor is such a bundle of talent, and whom usesh is physical traits to full effect. Shukla's screen presence is scene-chewing, and he goes through a gamut of emotions with flawless precision. His chemistry with Bajpai is outstanding and their scenes together are priceless.

Shefali Shah as Mrs Bhikhu Mhatre was mind-blowing. The kind of chemistry she shares with Bhikhu was an eye-opener and it would be fair to say Mrs Shah LIVES her part and becomes the character. Just witness the restaurant or the scene where she slaps Bhikhu.

Govind Namdeo exudes fear as Bhau! This terrific actor holds his own. Makrand Deshpande as Advocate Chandrakant Mule and Jeeva as Jagga are natural to the core. Snhela Dhabhal as Chander is haunting. Aditya Srivastav as Inspector Khandilkar is stunning, and delivers a fearless performance. Paresh Rawal in a short cameo is a knockout as expected.

Varma has incorporated Vishal Bharadwaj's beautiful songs as a part of the narrative by displaying them as a Broadway like stage-show. SAPNI ME MILTE HAI and GOLI MAARO have since then found a cult following, and the songs picturization remain an innovative piece of work. The soulful BAADALON SE and deeply romantic TU MERE PAAS BHI HAI are aptly fitted in to the proceedings.
Sandeep Chowta's background music is quiet easily one of the finest background scores I've heard in my entire life. Moody, sombre, atmospheric and often a character in itself.

Technically the movie is a pinnacle of perfection in Indian cinema. Mazhar Kamran's cinematography LIVES in each and every frames and breaths like a camera. Kamrans captures the gritty bylanes of Mumbai's underbelly with an undefining passion.

"All in all SATYA remains an outright classic, and one I shall visit ever year like I've been doing since it's release almost 10 years ago."

S A L U D E!

Film Noir in Indian Cinema

Sadhana enters a graveyard as the femme fatale of Woh Kaun Thi? (1964)

In the U.S. historians and film theorists have debated for decades about the meaning of the elusive term: “film noir.” Although many of us conjure an image of a hard-boiled detective and a mystery made more mysterious by the femme fatale, few “film noirs” actually contain these elements. This so-called genre had its roots in German Expressionism with films like Fritz Lang’s M (1931) and in depression-era crime novels. But what does the term “film noir” mean as it applies to Hindi cinema? What are the hallmarks of this genre as it played out in Bollywood and how did it begin?

I will present five films that I propose to be in the genre of Indian film noir. This is no easy task. Just as the term is vague in the American lexicon, so too does it only hazily engulf a variety of Hindi films with low-key lighting. And so I shall begin with an illustrative example. We can debate the precise definition of the genre until the end of time, but I think I can safely say that whatever Indian film noir is, Woh Kaun Thi? (1964) is Indian film noir.

Woh Kaun Thi? has 4 main basic elements. The first is in its distinct cinematographic style and setting—low-key lighting throughout a mysterious mansion and slow unhurried shots with a somber film score to match. The film gives a sense of the world being trapped in a fatalistic dream, whether alone by a graveyard or in a crowd of dancing people.

The second is the film’s overall tone and pacing—there is an uncomfortable sense of being pursued, of an impending doom unless a mystery is solved in time by the hero. Unlike in American film noir, the hero is no cynic and there is no quick sardonic dialogue to off-set the dreary mood. The hero is instead a righteous and innocent man of affairs, an heir to a fortune who becomes a victim. Though mingled with occasional musical highs, the film spirals from a slow and deliberate set-up to a climax closer and closer to complete ruin.

An interesting element of many American film noirs is the flash-back structure, which takes on an interesting form in their Indian counterparts. Woh Kaun Thi?centers around a mysterious background that occurred in the protagonist’s past life. Because the audience of Hindi films was largely composed of practicing Hindus, the world of reincarnation narrative is able to begin on a new and creatively extremely fertile ground. The hero must revisit through song, hearsay, and secrets events that took place in a past life, but whose consequences (whether karma or otherwise) now haunt him. This is the third element.

Fourthly, the film does indeed revolve around the appearance and (mis)guidance of the femme fatale, who is heard singing alluring, tragic songs. The hero is never able to wholly communicate with her, but her intentions are clearly marked with a deadly undertone. The femme fatale remains an elusive character–sometimes he chases after her, sometimes she chases after him—when her story is fully told, only then can the mystery be solved.

The films below can be placed into the category of Indian film noir along withWho Kaun Thi?:

Mahal (1949): Perhaps the grandfather of this genre, Mahal tells of a man tortured and madly in love with an apparition who haunts his mansion and claims a connection from an earlier life. The film also features the haunting vocals of Lata Mangeshkar’s all-time hit Aayegaa Aanewaalaa.

Madhubala mesmerizes Ashok Kumar in Mahal (1949)

Madhumati (1958): This classic Vijayantimala-Dilip Kumar blockbuster is told in flashback to a previous lifetime of the murder of the woman the hero still loves. The gently alluring Aajaa Re Pardesi encompasses the film’s themes of love and debts spanning several lifetimes.

Vijayantimala is reincarnated to find her lover once more in Madhumati (1958)

Bees Saal Baad (1961): A rich man comes to live in his new mansion and must solve a tragedy and murder that occurred 20 years earlier. The film contains a brilliant surprise ending, and Lata Mangeshkar scores once again with the beautiful Kahin Deep Jale, Kahin Dil.

Biswajeet follows a mysterious voice in Bees Saal Baad (1961)

Kohra (1964): This twist on Hitchcock’s Rebecca is told through the eyes of a female protagonist, living in a large, unexplored mansion that is haunted by the apparition of her husband’s first wife. Waheeda Rehman must discover the true circumstances surrounding the first wife’s death before she is driven insane. The song of the femme fatale (Jhoom Jhoom Dhalti Raat) is an absolutely genius and rare example of symbolic imagery in montage to create a feeling of horror from the song.

Waheeda Rehman sees a ghostly vision atop her mansion roof in Kohra (1964)

There are some films that contain one or more of the above elements that I havenot classified as Indian film noir. These include Mera Saaya, Gumnaam, andKarz, for different reasons–often overall tone or cinematographic style. Additionally, others might argue that these films should not be categorized at all as Indian film noir, but rather as Indian gothic horror films or other such genres. Watch some of these classics and let me know your take on this chapter in cinematic history!

My BETSy!

A faceless person in a crowded workplace, i was always unconnected and de-socialized from conventional patterns of reality.

Born of my desire to be "like other people" and make emotional contact with someone, i was attracted and drawn first to this fabulous, brown girl dressed in purple colored, flower printed kurta & leggings. Suddenly, she appeared (in slow-motion) from a mass of these filthy crowd on the street, paying fare to the rickshaw driver and then walking all alone into the posh entrance of this huge commercial building, checking for her  identity card in her purse, to flash it off to the security guards, GOD! i can still visualize it. This commercial huge building was the place where she worked. As she entered the building, I observed her from afar, worshiped her and developed a crush on her, viewing her as an untouchable dream-girl ideal (a WASP-ish, angelic beauty in my fantasies).

With all the GOD's Grace & luck on this universe it was my first day of joining an office in the same building. But to my disappointment, i couldn't even have a glimpse of her for next couple of hours. I was asked by a receptionist to wait till my manager arrives & give instructions for the day. All i could do then was, have a fresh cappuccino coffee from the maker, read a Business magazine, or keep moving my eyes looking at those elderly beautiful H.R. girls (which was a better option). After a While I got bored (obviously anyone would be after constantly looking at the same chicks) and rose from the sofa to ask the receptionist how long it’s going to take and she said 'just 10 minutes!' and i reserved myself for next half an hour. To my surprise she called my name, i thought to myself 'Finally' but she told me to go for the lunch break and after that I’ll be called upon by my manager. WHAT? Lunch @ 1pm? yesterday i was having beer in the swimming pool with my friends till 4pm & had my lunch by 5.. i was thinking of all those things & tried to convince myself and asked her for the way to cafeteria. Again there was huge crowd, all these people dressed up so formally with their identity cards on, appeared to me like beggars outside the temple waiting for the food to be served. Pgghewww! i went and had a coke & put my earphones on to listen to some music. As I was sippin' my coke, i was constantly annoyed by this guy flirting with a girl sitting in front of him. Though I couldn't see her face, but it was an impulse that i figured the girl was voluntarily responding to him & was least bothered to engage with him. She was sitting in front of me facing towards the same as i was, so i could just see her back and wait for her to turn. She wore a grey colored full tilt sweater sleeve jacket on, as the temperature in the cafeteria was too low. Now i was deeply observing her movements & then out of my curiosity i got up to put the can in the bin, actly an excuse to pass by her and to see her, my phone rang... it was the receptionist, asked me to come back as my manager called for me. DAMN! What a fuckin' day it was, i thought disappointingly and put the can in the bin & rushed towards the receptionist's desk. She showed me the way to the bay on the floor where my 'Gonna be' team works & adjacent to that there was a small cabin, they call it 'Glass Pod', where the manager sits.

It was 2 in the noon, and i was already pissed off, now i have to introduce myself to the new manager & to the fellow members, a general formality which i hate a lot. But thankfully he didn't ask me too many questions about myself rather he briefed me about how everything works in the office & some 'Do' & 'Don'ts' and asked the team embers to gather, (it was quite unusual to me from my prior experience) within a few moments everybody gathered around (then i was introduced to his powerful command over 'em), and started introducing themselves to me & vice versa. The last guy who shook hands with me, instantly i thought I’ve seen him somewhere.. Struggled a lot with my mind to recognize him but couldn't. Suddenly this guy asked someone behind me (supposedly just entered in) 'Hey where have you been?' 'Here's your new trainee'..  As i slowly turned back to see who's he or she?

 Rahman's 'Hossana' started with an extremely perfect sync of what i saw & felt c’ing her. What a beautiful day? I said to myself. It was her! The girl i saw in the morning! That Angel! Oh GOD  m i dreaming? all of a sudden all these reactions aroused & my mind was the arena where they clashed & met making me Jaw-Dropped!

 'Hello, Sachin', she said.. it was 14:26:32 on the digital clock on the wall, a sunny Monday from an autumn of 2010.

 I was smitten right away, by her. Awestruck by her charm & spellbound smile, and mainly by the brown skin of hers i went speechless, delighted inside. But I managed to reply her in a confused state of mind. Then she started explaining me about the process of work & stuff. I heard & understood nothing but her sweet feminine voice, my whole concentration was pointed towards it.

 After a couple of hours we all went for the tea break, the last break for the day before an hour the shift ends. She offered me to join the team for the break, and she was so quick to ask me whether i Smoke and i was quicker to say 'NO'. As everybody proceeded to virtually lock their systems, it was then i saw her wearing a grey colored full tilt sweater sleeve jacket on, and my puzzle resorted to the fact that it was’ HER' i saw in the cafeteria in the noon & the guy who shook hands with me last, was 'HIM'. For a moment i thought of 'em having an affair, but somewhere i was sure i wouldn’t be like that. Because any person having 5gms of brain would've figured out then, looking at the scene of cafeteria in the noon.

 She was quite affable. But these screw heads (team members) occupied a table & settled around it, grabbed their snacks & beverages, but i didn't, actually i couldn't coz' i was left with some odd 30rs, which i needed to go back home, i lived in a town quite far from this place and three cigarettes. She smiled and asked me why m not having anything, i managed to reply her that i didn't feel like to. Now every vein of mine was red out of the blue for a smoke, DARN! it was almost three hours i didn't go out for a smoke and i lie to her that i dont smoke. Somehow i managed to convince my pretentious GOOD BOY image, made an excuse of making a call @ home and went out of the office. Now while smoking my imaginations went multiplying with the sensuous thoughts about her. After the smoke i put a mint in my mouth, (which i hate doing, i guess last time i did that was some 3years ago in college before going home) and rushed towards the office. I entered in and sat next to her, then she gave a brief revision of what she explained to me earlier and i kept saying 'Yeah' 'Okay' 'alryt' moving my head to indicate to her that I’ve understood everything, which i didn't anything but HER!

 Finally it was 17:00 on the clock & on everybody's screen. It was like they wait everyday for this moment to happen, everybody logged out from their PCs & woke up in such sync, it seemed to me like a parade. I was quite sad about it, the day came to an end & I’ll have to wait for next 16hours to see her again. We all exchanged our 'Goodbyes' and proceeded to leave. Within a couple of seconds the bay was evacuated, so without wasting any time i hurried to the downstairs with a hope of having a last glimpse  f her. Guess what? i did. But all in vain, i saw her getting into a rickshaw with that guy. There was a quick dive into the vibrant disturbance in my thoughts.

 Disappointed, I went back home, had a bath, met my friend and we went to our regular local BAR for a round of Whiskey. After a couple of rounds i finally everything happened in the whole day bled thru my mouth. He gave me some tips not to impress her but to stay away from it, as he hardly have any interest and time for such things. But it was her constantly on my mind and i hardly paid any attention to my friend's GYAN. I went back home, had my dinner & slept.

Money! for WH@T?

“He who has a 'why' to live can bear with almost any how“

                                                          -Friedrich Nietzsche

A chilhood friend of mine has always been obsessed with saving money. For hours he explains about some recurring deposit scheme or some such thing where if you put Rs.1 Lakh 

how it will become Rs.5 Lakhs in 7 years and this he keeps telling everyone in our friends’ 

circle who does not think beyond that day, namely me. He comes from a quite wealthy family 

background than us in our circle, but always lead a life style of not even taking his car 

for outings & stuff, always prefer to keep it under a tarpaulin cloth and travel in 

autorickshaws & often on other’s bike.

One day I asked him what is the point of having money if you don’t use it for having a 

better quality of life. 

He answered saying, "if my grandfather and father thought the 

same then i probably would not have had any money."

I answered ‘fine if you grandfather 

works hard saves and saves and gives it to your father and then he saves and saves and gives 

it to you and then you save and save give it to your son and what if you give birth to a son 

like me. All the earlier three generations will become super big fools, Ha Ha!’

Money for me is potential energy and has no meaning unless it is made kinetic.

I would think in a very simplistic way on a philosophical level the origin of money could be 

explained in this way. When men in the primitive times used to hunt they were like all other 

animals. Hunt, eat, sleep, hunt again would have been the cycle.

And some time one among them has an idea of agriculture as in wanting to grow a crop. Now 

others might not understand or share his vision but he will need them to work for him on the 

crop. So to compensate them for working for his vision which could go wrong or right was 

where money has been invented and he pays them with that.

So with the money they got, it becomes their energy which they could choose to make it 

kinetic in whichever way they individually choose to. But again to enjoy money you first 

need to enjoy the experience of living a life and also to be able to identify what all 

life’s shop can offer you. For instance you can buy the greatest music system that a shop 

can offer but you can’t buy from life’s shop a mind which can actually relish the music 

which plays from it. That mind, you have to have yourself. If not, having money will just 

amount to securing yourself fearing poverty or to feel a sense of elation in comparison to 

others who have lesser money than you. Thus it becomes nothing but a measurement for your 

own self esteem.

If you have a beautiful rich house others will admire especially those who live in the same 

street, but you yourself will take it for granted in not more than one day after the 

interior décor is done and from then on you will be only looking at its faults. Also if you 

have issues with your wife, the same house will look like a horror house from your point of 

view as you are approaching it after your days work.

The point I am trying to make is that no materialistic things like a music system, a car, a house etc can really give you pleasure unless it enhances the pleasure of your own personal feelings with regard to them in one way or the other. If you are with a person who bores you it won’t make a difference if you are having The Balvenie Doublewood in the Lounge of Waldorf Astoria and if you are interested in the person having a Beer with, in a Local roadside BAR also will do wonders.

The point of life is to relish your feelings and money can make a point if and only it helps 

you achieve that. I don’t care for people who want to make money just to save it as I don’t understand the point of trying to prepare for losses and death right from the time of being born. Then what’s the point of being born?

I want money so that I can organise events but I don’t do them so that I can make money. I 

have never made money and I think I never will. The reason for that being my mindset of 

constantly putting to use whatever money I have going by my theory of making it kinetic. So 

even if I organise an event which does not work, which obviously can not be my intention, 

the least it is doing is give that some people work thereby making them kinetic, and yes at 

least it is making them earn their livelihood and I irrespective of losing money i will 

still generate more contacts & goodwill out of it.

Ideas and feelings are the only true wealth anyone can really possess and on that account I 

have always been rich and I will always be, that is at least for myself. Whether that 

achieves anything in others perception or not it’s not my concern as “I live for myself”.

RE-WoRK.

“When you look into an Abyss, the Abyss also looks into you”
                                                               - Friedrich Nietzsche

People constantly live in either a fear of losing or in a hope of gaining. There’s no such thing as an absolute state of success. I have always been successful and that’s nothing to do with my profession. Success is something I define as to be able to get up in the morning and do what you want to do till you sleep. That does not mean that you should want to fly or rule empires. It could be anything which your capability permits and your intelligence submits.

Yes, you have your family, relationships, obligations etc. But if you want to take care of them and stand by them, you are doing what you want to do. In reality most people act and do things out of compulsion by others or within themselves rather than really wanting to do so.

I always had & will have ‘Inshah-Allah’ the courage to bear the consequences of the decisions I take. Many of my decisions went wrong, in fact most of them. But what cannot be taken away from me is the pleasure moments I experienced in that process. By the time the result of a certain decision came about I was already into the pleasure of moments of other decisions and this has been the circle all my life.

If you are on a dry beach and you want to reach a beautiful looking island in the distance, you can make a decision to swim across or go in a boat on maybe take a plane or just fantasize that you are there on that island or psyche yourself that you are better off on the dry beach itself. But what most people will do is to constantly worry about whether there might be sharks in the sea or the boat might sink or the plane ticket is too expensive or what if there is a sudden storm, and thereby remain bitter, frustrated and fearful all their lives.

I weigh the consequences and think of the logistics and plunge in even if I don’t know swimming. I will either learn to swim or sink in the process but what I will not do at any cost is to stay put. After two succesful events(couple of years ago), I again geared up myself & my resources and ventured into organizing an event with higher production cost & risks, after all my efforts with new ideas & trend it turned out a FLOP. But it could have turned succesful too. When I organized two events which were much more succesful. The word success itself is highly relative. In showbiz Flops and hits happen by themselves whereas the only thing I can really make happen is to make a decision & put all my efforts, creativity & hard work to execute a idea into a better manner. For me i always consider myself succesful whenever i could take such risks on my own & make it happen the way i wanted it to, regardless the consequenses & result. For instance after all the effort and courage if I manage to reach that beautiful island, as soon as I step on it I could be killed by a lion there whose existence I don’t even know about. Not once am I saying that I know everything about what will happen. I just want to do things that I want to happen.

Once while we were travelling in a car, a guy very concernedly gave me a theory that 50 years from now we are going to have water wars in the world where everyone will die. I told him that at the next turn on the road we might be hit by a truck and die, and frankly I am not concerned about what happens to the world one second after I die. But if you truly worry about the water wars instead of sitting here and worrying why don’t you go and do some scientific research to solve the water problem. If you don’t know science then atleast work as a tea boy to the scientist and contribute. But I know you would not do that as then you won’t have time to do your umpteen other activities like going to the discotheque, cinema and indulge in bitching sessions. And on the other hand if you truly constantly worry about the world being finished in 50 years, what if a smart scientist comes up with a solution in the 49th year and then you would be the biggest fool for wasting 49 years of your life worrying off.

Most people can’t differentiate between worrying and thinking, Worrying is negative energy and makes your mind run in circles breeding depression and frustration whereas thinking makes you reach a decision and the decision you reach will result in work and if the work does not result in what you wanted from it, all you have to do is Re-work.